And the second semester has been over since the end of the May. I'm so relieved although I didn't finish it well. I just got back to home at the end of June. There are lot of activities to do no matter the academic days has been over. I'm joining some committee and still has to face a regeneration for entering the association of my major. The good news is, I'm entering the System of Information and Technology major. Welcome lady-to-be life! No, I don't mean being in Informatics (another major) is a lifeless-life. The senior of my campus mostly tell us that the Informatics has tons of tasks that you don't want to imagine it. So does my major, but the tasks are mostly words that human-being understand. Not the machine-being understand. You get my point, right?
As usual, being at home means sososososososososososo much lazy time. But I don't really have spare time since I have to do my regeneration tasks and my dad keep giving me a job to do. Since I was an elementary, my dad inaugurated me as her private secretary. So it's me who always type his document, make a design of a company and other things smell administrative.
After a very very very long thinking, I finally decided to grow old and accept my soon-to-be-19 age. I've told you that I got lot of pain during my academic days, didn't I? After reading my old post titled Passion I realized that all those pains might happen because I have no passion. I did happy at the time I was accepted in ITB. But the fact is, I was only happy. I didn't set any goal to be reached. Too sad, I have to admit it that I lived my first year college time without any passion, dream or goal to be reached. I wonder how could I live that life. I studied, yes I studied. But I have no passion in it. I listened to the lecturer, yes I did. But I have no desire to understand it. I keep being lazy since have no goal to be reached.
I was a girl that will set my goal then do my best (I know I was lazy, too. But still, I know my goal) to reach that goal. Maybe because of the Peterpan syndrome, I can't accept myself. I always denied that I'll leave my adolescence soon. I was trapped in my senior high school time. Let me be honest, I do love my senior high school time. It was where and when I find my place and time. I think now is the time I'm seeking for my identity. Too late, I know. But I'm that kind of girl indeed.
Deciding to grow means deciding to have a better attitude. I'm a hyperactive, moody, arrogant and selfish girl. I'll try my best to leave all those bad manners behind. It seems hard, but if I can leave them behind, I will be such a perfect lady, right? I guess I'd fall for myself too. My decision is the reason why I change the name and purpose of this blog. This blog will be my online journal like the first time I made it. I'm giving up about fashion. Gee, I just wear what I like. It's only tee and jeans and sneakers. What kind of cool look you want to see from those stuffs? So this might become my last fashion-blogger-want-to-be post. And it's really embarrassing to take all the photos in this blog. Thanks to my brother who willingly take the photos. This look is just.... I don't know what to say. It's just so-so. It's only sleeveless top, outer that never been used by me even once, my old legging that never been used anymore, and brother's supa dupa kewl shoes. It's him that should run a fashion-blog. Come on, he has such a good taste of fashion. Forget about the glasses, on the right side is my birthday gift that was broken by myself. On the left side...I don't know whose glasses it is.
About the name of this blog, I named it Grow Beyond Pale, because whenever I'm stress, I will look pale. Which means I want to grow beyond every pain, trouble, problem, stupid and bad thing I suffer during this lady-to-be life. I'm still thinking about what kind of lady I want to be. The cheery one or the old-me one. I was and am a expressionless girl. I always think smile needs more effort than the face on the right side. I just don't want to spend my energy for smiling everyday. But everyone keep telling me that I look good with smile and look bad with that expression. But don't they know smiling is tiring?
Forget about it. Let me think it by myself. You have to know that Instagram deleted my account last night. I didn't do anything wrong. I don't post any nude photos nor videos, I don't leave any rude nor rash comment, and I follow people whom I know and I adore. That's all. I don't think I do something wrong. I'm still thinking about making a new account, Nandit and some friends supporting me to do that. But I'm just afraid of being banned (again). I lost my around 1200 photos. Those photos are about every important moment start from the second year of my senior high school. I'm such a forgetful girl and used to write a diary since I was in the first year of my elementary. I was crying when my mom threw my diary. I love reading all the old thing just to keep my memory fresh. And I just lost my 1200 beautiful moment in my life. I don't care about the followers. Really. But I care all of my moments on my Instagram. Unfortunately there's no way to get my account back. Thanks, big thanks, Instagram. All the grateful feeling for you.
I barely use Path, Snapchat since I find Instagram has better user interface. But they just ruined all their good image. However, it's not a bad thing to write a long story, edit many photos and post it on my blog. I need to improve my English too. Seems like I will back and memorized every important memory here.
Oh, about the title of this post, I just want to tell you that I've decided my goals and will try my best to reach it. No more lazy Eka. Please, I've gained more than 10 kgs because of my laziness. Someone help me pleaseT________T. If you think that I look fatter, you're not wrong. I do getting fatter lately.
Above are my favorites. What do you think? Do we have the same think? Maybe because I'm smiling in the first photo and it's only my half side in the second photo. I don't know that the legging has such a beautiful color.
I don't have anything to say for this shoes. It's just too fabulous. I really want to have one. Unfortunately my brother and I don't have the same size. He grows better than me and he's a lot bigger than me. Anyway, below is my goals list. This is what I'm going to reach during my college life (I pray I could being graduated from this campus). Phew, it has been a long time not making this list. Let's see which box that will be checked and how many checklist I'll have. I smell the feeling of a dangerous life. But it smells fun, too. What kind of post that will be typed on the next and next and next post? Let's see! I'm wondering too:)
Happy blessed Monday, peeps.